don't freak out
by Candace Caden
Summary: draft of new merthur fic


take my fears away

"Are we really having this argument again?" I asked Arthur as we walked into his room. I went over towards the only empty corner and leaned against the wall while he pulled off his dirty shirt and threw it on the floor. I glared daggers at him, I'd have to pick that up later.

"Yes, Merlin, it seems we are." He came over to the same corner of the room and leaned against the adjoining wall. "And we're going to continue having it until you admit that you're wrong. And that I'm right."

"That's never going to happen! I'M older, get over it."

"You're only 20 and I'm 21. How exactly are you older?"

"Some of us don't measure age in such a straight forward manner."

"Well physically, I'm older than you. That means I have more experience."

"More experience…" I mumbled as I looked over at him. He hadn't put a clean shirt on so his arms were crossed over a bare chest which, I noticed, was rising and falling quickly. Was he actually worked up over our argument? That couldn't be it, we had this argument all the time. I found myself just staring at his chest as it rose and fell, captivated by the image and what it might mean.

I felt his eyes on me and I looked up quickly. He had been staring at me while I stared at him. That was always awkward, if you knew the person or not. Should I apologize? It's not like I even knew why I had been doing it. I looked away quickly.

I heard him make a shaky sigh and turned back to look at him. "I'm going to do something and you have to promise not to freak out."

"What do you-" but I wasn't able to say anymore because he had taken the few steps, closing the space between us, so that he was standing right in front of me and before I could react he put his lips on mine.

I pulled away quickly. I was breathing heavily and when I looked down at my hands they were on his waist. I couldn't remember putting them there. I stared at them. Maybe I hadn't stepped away but pushed him away. Maybe that's why my hands were on his waist. I kept staring at them. Move your hands, I thought, but nothing happened. I'm probably in shock and can't move them. I kept staring at them. Maybe I didn't _want _to move them.

"What are you doing?" I wasn't sure if I was asking him or my hands.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Arthur asked back.

"You kissed me," I said simply. That is what had just happened, I confirmed to myself. Arthur. Had. Kissed. Me. My head was swimming. What the hell was happening?

"And what are you going to do about it?"

Is what I'm thinking about doing weird? I took a shaky breath. If it were weird he wouldn't have started it.

With my hands on his waist I spun us around and slammed him against the wall.

He looked mad and upset until my lips found his.

I tried to think through what I was doing while doing it but my thoughts were pretty muddled. They just kept circling around and around- Was it weirder that I was kissing a guy or that the guy I was kissing was Arthur?

"Hey, I heard a loud bang and-"

The two of us pulled apart from each other and looked over to see Morgana standing in the doorway.

Her mouth hung open in a little 'o' for a few seconds before she stepped back out into the hallway and pulled the door closed behind her.

Arthur and I stood there staring at the door, neither of us said anything.

We only stayed like this for a few seconds because then the door opened again.

"Just to clarify," Morgana said, "you two were making out, correct?"

"Yes," we both answered, a little breathless, in unison.

"…Okay." She waved her hand towards us, "Continue." She stepped back out into the hall and closed the door behind her again.

Silence stretched for a bit as they both stared at the door, before finally Arthur said, "Merlin, I can't move."

Merlin looked at Arthur and sure enough his body was pinned against the wall which would have been fine, if anything that had happened between them in the last few minutes was anything to go off of, but no part of Merlin was touching Arthur which meant...

Merlin gasped which broke off in a bit of a whimpering sob, a sound that he wasn't even aware he was capable of making.

"I always wondered..." Arthur breathed out. "...what this feeling was."

And to say Merlin was a little confused my Arthur's reaction was an understatement. Was Arthur _really _not understanding that Merlin was using magic. I mean, he had managed to go this long without him finding out and it wasn't like Merlin was very good at hiding his talents but _come on. _And maybe, just maybe, Merlin hadn't let him free yet, because if Arthur was going to kill him he at least wanted to explain himself first.

"You don't have to explain, you idiot." Arthur looked at him desperately like he wanted Merlin to _see_, see what was right in front of him which...well what was right in front of him was the one and only Arthur Pendragon having magic used against him by his manservant, Arthur who was _not _freaking out or even angry...

"You knew." Merlin felt like a complete idiot. Of course Arthur knew. Of course he hadn't actually managed to keep it a secret.

"Of course I knew."

"How long?"

"How long have I known or how long have I suspected?"

"Or you're okay with this? It doesn't bother you that I have magic? That I use it? That I didn't tell you about it directly?"

"I can understand why you didn't tell me. And... I have no proof that you've ever used magic for evil ends. As fair as I can tell, you only use it to save my life... and get yourself into, and on rare occasions out of, trouble."

"You're right that I've never used it for evil, but despite my intentions I have made mistakes Arthur. I've done some terrible things with my magic that I thought was what was right but that doesn't take away from the fact that I did it."

"Everyone makes mistakes, you idiot. Now can you kindly free me? You have me at my word that I won't harm you or allow any one else to harm you."

Arthur's body relaxed away from the wall and he sighed as he rubbed his hands together.

"Maybe only do that again if it's for the reason you did it in the first place, yeah?"

We both looked at each other.

"I've always liked you more than I disliked magic." He clarified, then grinned.

I cleared my throat. "How did you know?"

"Know what?"

I shifted my eyes away from him. "That I would kiss you back."

"I've caught you looking at me for weeks. I mean, you're always looking at me but in the last few weeks the heat in it changed somehow. It's like you didn't even realize you were doing it."

Had I really been doing that? I thought back to only a little bit ago when I had been looking at his chest, and he had 'caught' me doing it.

"And," he reached up with his hand and turned my face towards his, "I didn't _know _you would kiss me back, I just _hoped _that you either would or that you wouldn't mind too much that I tried."

"You're right."

"Always," he smirked. "What about this time?"

"I didn't realize I had been looking at you different." I sighed. "I don't- I've never-"

"Merlin, you don't have to explain it to me. Honestly, I didn't know how this was going to turn out either. And if you think I understand what this is any more than you do you'd be wrong."

"So you kissed me without even knowing for sure that you wanted to?"

He smirked again. "You know the main disadvantage of doing something without realizing it? You can't hide that you're doing it because you don't _know _that you're doing it. I, on the other hand, was completely aware of all my looking, and you never caught me once."

I looked down at his bare chest. "Taking your shirt off was a nice touch."

"I noticed you seemed to like looking at it."

I finally looked him in the eyes. "This is kind of-"

"Strange," he filled in for me before I could say it myself.

We both looked at each other for a second, not doing or saying anything.

I took a heavy breath. "I don't seem to mind it."

I leaned in and started kissing him again.


End file.
